The signs are all there...the end...our end...HUMANITY’S end...is coming. You can see it on the horizon. The worst part? We’ve done this to ourselves. There was maybe a time when we could have saved the world from climate change, but we’ve LONG since passed that and we’re all totally f****d.

So I say, screw it all, let’s put all of the most delicious, bad for you, ingredients into one AMAZING dessertster. I present to you “The BACONing of the End Blondies”.

Here’s the deal. Blondies typically suck. They’re always way too sickeningly sweet and can be super dry. So here’s the good news…these ones don’t suck. They’re actually insanely good and really addictive. My two secrets to make blondies that aren’t too sweet? Extra salt, basically blacken your butter, bacon and bourbon. That’s it.

That’s actually a lot when you think about it, but still...these suckers are ridiculously good. An alternate name for these could be “the 4 B’s of the apocalypse” (Bacon, Butter, Bourbon Blondies). Anyways, here’s how you can make this sinfully decadent, artery clogging, food coma inducing treat.

The first, and probably most important step is to cook/candy your bacon first.

Take 6-8 pieces of bacon (depending on how much you want to top your blondies) and cut them into ½ inch wide strips. Make sure to separate every piece so they don’t get stuck together.

Next, on a frying pan over medium high heat, toss that bacon in and start to cook it. Stir it around every so often to make sure nothing sticking together. Once the bacon is about half way cooked and has started to cook in a pool of its own delicious fat (much like we all probably will when the earth heats up so much that it turns into an actual oven) it’ll be time to add in 1 T of bourbon and 1T of maple syrup. This is going to caramelize onto the bacon and create a delicious candy coating.

Cook the bacon until it is crispy looking, then use tongs to remove the bacon from the pan and place it onto a paper towel to drain some of the fat off. Don’t keep it on there too long because it’ll dry and stick to the paper towel and you’ll end up with paper towel stuck to you bacon. So once it’s drained a little bit, transfer the bacon to a bowl and set it aside.

Strain the remaining bacon fat from the fry pan into a bowl and set that aside as well (we’re going to use that in the base of the blondies)

Next up it’s time to brown the butter. We’re going to basically blacken the butter actually because we want more of that smokey taste to mirror the smokey taste of the bacon.

So grab a large pot for the stove and cut your butter into smaller pieces to help melt it more evenly. Let the butter cook over medium heat until it starts to bubble like so.

Then let it cook a little bit longer while keeping a close eye on it until little brown bits start to rise up with the bubbles like this:

Remove it from the heat IMMEDIATELY and using a rubber spatula, scrape the bottom of the pot and stir those bits that have settled into the bottom back in. The butter is going to continue to cook so you need to move quickly.

Grab a medium sized bowl and pour your butter into it making sure to scrape all the browned/blackened bits from the sides/bottom. Set that bowl aside to cool down slightly while you get started on the rest of the base of the blondie.

Now, in the bowl of your mixer combine the 3 ½ cups brown sugar, 1 T salt, add in your cooled butter and bacon fat. Let that mix with the paddle attachment until completely combined. Add in your eggs one at a time until the mixture is totally smooth, like so:

Next, add in your vanilla and bourbon and again, mix it until it’s completely smooth.

At this point you’re going to SIFT in your 4 cups AP flour, and 2 tsp baking powder, and mix on low until it’s JUST combined. DO NOT OVER MIX.

Prepare a ½ sheet tray by spraying it well with pan spray and lining the bottom with parchment paper. Lightly spray the top of the parchment as well. Then pour in the batter and spread it out as evenly as you can across the whole pan. Pre-heat your oven to 325ºF and set the pan aside for a moment.

Grab your bacon, a knife and a cutting board, and cut up the bacon into small pieces. Sprinkle all of your bacon across the top of the blondie batter and gently press the bacon into the top.

Bake the blondies at 325ºF for about 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the pan comes out lightly coated in crumbs, if it comes out with wet looking batter it’s not done yet.

Let the blondies cool completely, then cut them up and enjoy!

The BACONing of the End Blondies

prep time: 45 mins
cook time: 30 mins
total time: 1 hr 15 mins

Servings: about 20 3"x3" pieces, or 1 half sheet tray

Ingredients:

1 # Butter, Browned
Remaining Bacon fat
3 ½ c Brown Sugar
4 ea Eggs
1 T Salt
1T + 1 tsp Vanilla paste
¼ c.+1T+1tsp Bourbon

2 tsp Baking Powder
4 c AP Flour

6-8 strips cooked & candied bacon (chopped into small pieces)

Instructions:

Cut the bacon into ½ strips and pull apart all of the pieces.
Cook the bacon in a frying pan about half way then add a splash of bourbon and a splash of maple syrup and cook the bacon until it’s crispy.
Remove the bacon from the pan and save the bacon fat.
Chop bacon into smaller pieces and set aside.
Brown your butter, and set aside to let cool a little bit.
Prepare a ½ sheet pan, or 9x13 inch pan by spraying the sides and bottom and lining the bottom with parchment paper.
Preheat oven to 325ºF
In the bowl of your mixer, combine brown sugar, eggs, and salt, mix with paddle attachment until combined.
Add in slightly cooled browned butter, and mix until combined.
Add in the bourbon and vanilla and again mix until thoroughly combined.
Sift in your flour and baking powder and mix until JUST combined. DON’T OVER MIX.
Pour your batter into the prepared pan, and sprinkle your bacon on top.
Bake at 325ºF for about 25-30 mins or, until toothpick inserted into the center of the pan comes out with a little bit sticking to it, if it comes out with wet batter, it’s not ready yet.
let cool entirely then cut into 3"x 3" pieces and enjoy!